Careers

BUILD A CAREER
OUT OF NOTHING.

SuqMe Company is hiring. Generous benefits. Zero deliverables. One glaring exception, noted below.

Notice To Applicants

DO NOT APPLY IF YOU ARE ELZIA, DENNIS "DEN-DEN," OR BRIAN U.

Applications from the above individuals will be received, printed, and formally denied for sport. This policy has been reviewed by Legal (the Chairman) and upheld unanimously (by the Chairman).

Open Roles

CURRENT OPENINGS.

VP of Doing Nothing

Full-time  •  Remote  •  Reports to the Chairman

0 Applicants (Encouraged)

Director of Ignoring Elzia

Full-time  •  On-site  •  Prior experience preferred

High Priority

Senior Manager, Den-Den Containment

Full-time  •  Hybrid  •  Patience required

Urgent

Head of Refund Denial (Brian U. Accounts)

Full-time  •  Remote  •  Thick skin a plus

1 Opening

Chief of Staff to the Chairman

Full-time  •  On-site  •  Must agree with the Chairman

Always Open
Benefits & Perks

WHY WORK HERE.

∞PTO (never approved)
100%Remote (undefined location)
$0Equity, fully vested
24/7Access to the Chairman's opinions