Official statements, releases, and correspondence from SuqMe Company. For media inquiries, see Contact. For everything else, see below.
SuqMe Company today announced its strongest quarter to date, crediting "sheer refusal to engage" as its top-performing strategy. Elzia, reached for comment, was not asked for comment. Shares climbed regardless.
In a formal letter to the Board, Brian U. requested reimbursement for Nothing™, citing "it did nothing." SuqMe Company confirmed this was, in fact, the intended experience, and closed the ticket.
The honor, largely ceremonial, comes with no salary, no title, and no actual employment. Den-Den has reportedly asked about this three separate times. The Board considers the matter closed.
When pressed by (fictional) reporters on the meaning behind the Company's name, Hayro simply pointed at the sign. The sign was sufficient. No further questions were taken.
Calendar records show the invite was seen, considered, and archived within four seconds. Analysts called it "one of the fastest, most decisive non-responses in company history."
Investors reacted with confusion, then approval, then more investment. SuqMe Company remains committed to shipping nothing, on schedule, indefinitely.